Yesterday....Today....Tomorrow

Recently I have been pondering the passage of time. It seems like yesterday Shannon was born and we were reveling in the awesome joy that comes from having a newborn. The reality of the time passed comes when she is asking to not wear pull ups or constantly telling me how much she is a big girl as she helps with the housework or plays with her hair and gets dressed on her own. I look at her and the memories of baby Shannon are hard to envision anymore. It's amazing how grown up she seems to me at 40 months!
In a blink of my eye she grew up. And...she isnt even GROWN UP. However the passage of time reminds me how fleeting everything is.
 Often times I get caught up in the happenings of yesterday. How many families are torn apart with bitterness, anger, and forgiveness for things that happened years ago and when people may have been different. Or I think about the happenings to come. Will my husband get the job, I will wait till tomorrow to eat right or exercise, or I can't wait till there are no more diapers, nursing's, or till my child can do this or that.
The interesting thing is that today is here, now, current, and what I am living in. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not yet. Living in yesterday keeps us bound. The bitterness, anger, regret, unforgiveness, what-ifs of the future, and the wishes of what life could be like keep us from experiencing the fullness God has for us.
We can't change yesterday and we can't write tomorrow. It has been written for us. Time is fleeting. Living in today with the hopes of tomorrow leads to fullness. Don't allow the past to dictate today or tomorrow. Live for today. Set aside the housework and play, reach out to the family members or Christian Brother or Sisters who have hurt or offended you, hope for tomorrow without scripting it and living for it.
Shannon will be grown before I know it. I am growing older and older and life is passing me by. I want to live for today and make the most of it before the opportunity passes. May I remember these thoughts as the days go by this week.

Complete

1 Colossians 2:10 says, "and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority. For the past couple days I have been struggling with how I feel I am lacking. As a parent I lack patience, the understanding of what would be best, the proper balance between caring for my house and interacting on their level. In my relationship with my husband I fail often to make our home a "safe place", where he can come home to and relax, I often fail in building him up, or being quiet and listening. In relationship to others I fail in the that I expect much more than they are willing to give, or I judge myself based on their response and allow that to be the defining factor. In the most important relationship I lack in spending time in His Word and prayer. Often a day goes by without one thought of Him.

These failings have a way of creeping up on me and their voices attempt to take over my thinking. That is where I find myself today. I am thankful that in Him, that is Christ, I have been made complete. The idea of complete means that the whole part is there. I lack nothing. 

There is a key component of my completeness. It isn't based on me or some standard. In this passage the Jews thought the ceremonial law made them complete. As I reflect upon all the ways in which I see I am lacking, I can't help but notice the standards that are represented there. Ahhh yes good ideals and even biblical principles however, my completeness is not in adhering to these. As a sinful human being I will fail even in the best principles. My hope and thoughts need to be centered on  how all my failings, or sins are made up in the gospel of Christ by His complete sacrifice and revelation of the will of our heavenly Father. 

May this be the central thought on my heart today and everyday and may its penetrating of my heart bring much Joy and Gladness as I enter into these relationships a much freer person.

A Lesson In Being Thankful

I live a life, as you do, that doesn't go planned. We live in a fallen world. Hurt comes knocking in all forms.  Being made for perfection we long for the things in our life to be what they were meant to be. I struggle with several things. One thing I have been thinking alot on is the idea of connection. God made us to be in relationship. First and foremost with Him. Our vertical relationship is the most important. And then Secondly, to others, the body. As I reflect upon my life this theme is heavily tangled within many of the decisions I have made and the longings I have.
The other day I was lamenting to a friend about my feelings regarding my current state of connection. As she got off the phone she began to pray for me. Her prayers turned from praying for my current perceived need to being Thankful for our friendship. When she relayed this to me it caused me to begin thinking about my life and all the ways in which God has provided for me.
My eyes get caught up on the ways in which my life is not what it should be. For this I am repentant. I am thankful for this gentle reminder and blessed by the loving kindness of a friend to remind me. May this stay in the forefront of my thoughts when I am tempted to think otherwise.  

What I can learn about God from Children Part 0ne

My daughter Shannon often times struggles going to bed and gets up in the night. She has these fears which we cannot solve. We pray, sit with, comfort, sing, and reassure her. Our attempts to hold out Christ have been well received. However, sometimes just letting her crawl into bed and be comforted by us is just easier than "holding out Christ to her."
This got me thinking the other night. Shannon knows where to go with her fears. She comes to her parents who she trusts to find safety and comfort. We as parents want her to come to us with her fears and be able to tell us what is wrong and what she needs. What an example of God our "Abba Father." He desires we bring our wants, wishes, needs to Him.

What I learn about God from my Children-Introduction

Growing up in a family with an absent dad has profound effects on children. Psychology is steeped in research proving this point. Also true is growing up with a dad who does not meet the mark has profound effects on a child. To some extent all of us have grown up with some kind of dysfunction. If not then I would suggest perhaps the person who feels that way did not grow up with a sinner or live in the same (sinful broken) world as I. Last time I checked scripture is clear we are all sinners and fall short.

In my own life I have several of the aforementioned contributing factors. As I have grown in my life there has been an evident struggle of the "heart/head" connection. My head is filled with all this wonderful knowledge about God, His Word, Christ, and the Holy Spirit. I can sit and talk theology with the best of them. However, when it comes to sensing God and his personal involvement in my daily life there is a void. As this "void" has showed itself I have often wondered if it wasn't related to the not having a dad or having adopted and foster ones who "failed to meet the mark." 

Recently I was reading a friends notes on her social networking site. This friend is a professor, dorm mom, pastor's wife, and once barren now has 3 children. We hadn't spoken in a awhile and I was catching up. The title of her posts was "What my children teach me about God." I was struck with such curiosity that I read them all. The light bulb turned on!! Her posts were little blurps about situations that occur where she reflected what she learned about God from them.

What I "learned" if you will is that our experiences reflect much about God in a very personal way.Yes, you say...duh! Well, for me they take place in the context of a parent to a child. They are tangible examples of God and his theology at work. So I have been thinking about my children and their daily happenings in light of the theology that I know very well. Guess what.....I have seen God and experienced Him in a different light and as a result will "borrow" from her this way of meditating on Him and share it with you. 

Repentant

In 2006 I was in an accident. It is one that has changed my life forever. My hip, knee, and ankle were broken. I sat in the hospital 12 days and then in rehab another 12 days. After going home I spent 3 months rehabbing 3 times per week. This accident took my mobility and challenged my pride. Since the 7th grade I have been a part of sports. God gifted me with the ability to work hard and attain the skills necessary to excel. He allowed for me to continue in sports through college. It was here that I was part of a team that went to nationals, my 1,000 rebound was attained, and I was recognized for my gifts. 

Before this accident I had a few fender bender type accidents and yes I have been pulled over for speeding. But never had I been part of an accident of this proportion. After this accident I had people not allow me to drive their children, a person who told me they had seen me driving and I needed to sit up and pay attention and that I ought not talk on a cell phone, people who wouldn't let me borrow their truck initially to transport tables for a work function. I regret this accident. I am less physically capable. I limp when tired and can't excersise the same as before. I prided myself in my physical capabilities.
What makes it worse is that 6 years ago was my accident. This last Sunday I was in charge of driving some kiddos home. As we walked to the car a person heard me say to the eldest child as I threw the keys to him,"you can drive." His response was "yeah if I had to ride with her I would want to drive too." Everything inside me wanted to turn and tell him off. I mean really couldn't he be more gracious and encouraging! This person has tons of rough edges and he constantly makes hurtful comments to me. My heart wanted to judge him and did in that moment. 

This morning I read 1 Peter 3:8-9 "To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing."
So, it is with this verse that I find myself humbled and repentant. 

Thank you Lord for speaking to me through your word. 

Rejection

We live in a culture that tells us when things happen the first time "shame on them." If there is a second time it tells us "shame on you." Rejection has somewhat been the story of my life. I was born to a mother and father who couldn't keep me. Given to a grandmother who was supposed to love, protect, and nurture me....she gave me away. Then put into a family who adopted me and then I was taken from them and they too rejected me. Foster care was a series of more rejections. Many people through college only saw the neediness and rejection ensued again. Each time there has been a light to this never ending story a rejection ensued. This last year has been the hardest because one of the biggest rejections occurred in my entire life. The situation plays in my mind over and over again. The ache in the pit of my stomach rears its ugly head and I feel the rejection all over again.

This battle I have faced is strongly tied with the absence of what God has designed. He designed us to be born into a family. It is something I will never have and something that keeps allowing for rejection. The fact that we live in a sinful world, with sinful people is ever in the forefront of my mind.

I desperately despise when people attempt to make light of situations by "spiritualizing."  However, the one thing I have been pondering this entire year is what it must have been like to be Jesus. The pain that is in my stomach has often caused me to feel like being here is not worth it. The Bible tells us "He was tempted in every way, He was despised rejected, I wonder what Jesus felt knowing He had to be separate from God because the sins of the world were placed on Him. God could not look on Him. He was separated.

 In the garden his sweat was drops of blood. The road to the Cross was filled with such suffering. People shouting and making known their rejection, the physical pain of the Cross he carried both physically and metaphorically. The very people he was going to die for inflicting such pain.  Oh, such agony.

We have a savior who not only has been tempted like we but experienced the very things we did. I want that to rule my thinking and comfort my heart. He is my fellow sojourner, sufferer, friend.